Pains and suffering are a part of life and their existence are a sign of being alive.
There are two kinds of pain:
Physical pains are the signals sent to the brain by the members to make them pay attention to them. The pain of a part of the body says that that part needs attention and care and we should take care of them.
The psychological pains are the injuries to our ego and bother us.
What is the ego? How does it appear and forms?
In the dictionary we have:
a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
And in philosophy:
(in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject.
According to Freud, it is the active part of personality who links external and internal world. He talks about superego and id ego. Superego is an ethics teacher and blames ego sometimes. Id ego is like a child who wants to respond to needs in any way.
For some psychologist, the ego appears and forms at the age of three. At this age, he can describe himself to others. Some psychologists think this awareness appears around age of7 or 8. At this age, the child is able to have feelings and be conscious of them. Ego appears since when a child can distinguish himself separately from the external world and those around him.
The dimension of ego or better the image that we have from our ego changes during life experience and as a result of the behavior of people around us. Especially our parents.
The unnecessary and frequent blames of intransigent parents and teachers makes this picture tiny and small (small ego). On the contrary, unnecessary encouragement or cheer-up not relevant to their effort will make of them an extraordinaire image of themselves (big ego). It is the case when a child is permitted to do everything he wants.
The dimension of this picture is not fixed and becomes bigger or smaller according to the situation.
During our life, we are faced with incidents and evil happenings or failures. We react. This is our ego who reacts. This reaction is in relation to the dimension of the picture of our ego at the time. If the dimension does not fit what has happened we will suffer.
A too large picture will consider what has happened as an insult and an abuse of our rights (defined only by ourselves) and we think that they are violated.
A small picture of our ego says that it is our fault. It blames us: You couldn’t. You are not fit to the job. You don’t fit any job.
Let’s see a case when our letter or email is not replied.
A big ego says:
“You don’t answer my email? Who are you? Worthless. I will show you.”
A small ego will say:
“He doesn’t value me. Doesn’t pay any attention to me.”
A relevant picture which fits a situation asass says:
“He may not have seen my email. He is very busy. We still wait some days.”
When a job should be done the different people behave differently according to the dimension of their ego.
An ego with a large picture says:
“So easy. It’s a piece of cake.”
This attitude may prevent from the preparation of prerequisites and he may fail.
A small ego says:
“I cannot. It’s not my job. I will fail like always.”
A relevant picture which fits the situation as this says:
“Let’s see what it is. Ok, the first step is this. Second that one. Let’s begin. Thinking and cautiously.”
The dimension of the picture of ego has a great impact on relationships and their sense end evolution. Those who consider themselves worthless in a relationship because of their small ego. Or those who expect always something from others because of their big ego. Both cannot continue a long and stable relationship.
Both of them react destructively with criticism and do not help to repair the situation.
Attending in meetings and discussions are affected by the image of ego that the participants have. The one with a big ego occupies the stage. Becomes the single and the only one who speaks. He is the sole speaker and gives little chance to others to express their opinion. He thinks that his propositions are the best and has no doubt. One with small ego, on the contrary, is silent in meeting and says nothing. He fears to express his opinion.
In politics, those with a big ego becomes dictator and tyrant if they get to power. They rule and govern without being concerned with the impact of their rules and orders on the daily life of people. They abuse an army of small egos to achieve their goals.
How to treat
In order to not to suffer from ego we should fit our ego dimension not to be out of proportion with reality. This comes from practice and thinking about our emotions. Think about what you feel after making a mistake or a failure in your job:
Do you blame yourself? Do you feel guilty?
It is because of a small dimension of your ego. Small ego. Ask yourself why you feel naughty. In what are you less than others? You have many powers that you do not know some of them. Write about what you know of your abilities on a paper. Appreciate yourself because you are valuable. Know that you can become better. If you failed in an action it may be because you did not check a point. Or you did not know that point. By verifying better and with more information you may win next time. Or you failed because that job was not for you and not because you are worthless and unable to do any job.
Do you feel your self-esteem destroyed? Was it your right and it is refused? Do you feel others responsible for your failure?
Think a moment. You may have made mistake or forgot to do a step. You are fallible too. Accept your mistake and learn from analyzing it and do better next time. What was your part in this failure? Accept this part.
In both case try to make a realistic and fitted picture of your ego to not to suffer worthlessly.